my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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