My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
