She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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