I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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