I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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