OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
