before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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