It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
