this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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