Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
