Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
