What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
