Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
