Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
