I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
