my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
