I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize