I can tuck mytits in my pants
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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