i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Randomize
