Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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