those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
