the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
