Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
