dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We need to rekindle our bromance
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
