i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
