mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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