I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
