I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
