My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
