I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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