kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
