your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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