I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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