I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
