the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
