Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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