what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
