My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
