so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
