If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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