I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
