So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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