It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
