Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
