I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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