just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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