This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
