This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
