oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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