me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
