I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
