Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
