Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
