ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
