He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
