Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
