I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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