he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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