Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
