There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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