A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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