just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
