I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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