The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
