You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
