Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
