That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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