too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize