its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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