You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
