that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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