I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
