just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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