If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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