Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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