question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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