im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
