Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
