I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just had sex on a roof
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
